Since I began my conscious healing journey in 2020 during the COVID pandemic, I realized that my childhood relationship with my parents was one of, if not THE MOST important factors influencing my inner and outer life.
But it's a deep, dark forest I was too scared to venture into unless I absolutely needed to.
About a year ago, I attended a workshop titled "Make Peace with Your Parents." During the session, the facilitator said something that struck me deeply:
"Your relationship with your parents is your relationship with life."
This hit me so hard and it made sense instantly.
I understood it to mean that my attachment style with my parents—whether secure, anxious, or avoidant— is my attachment style with life.
The needs I had as a child were the same needs I carried into adulthood (which is obvious to those in the therapy and inner work community).
The sense of longing for deep emotional connection I feel with my parents is the same longing I feel in my relationship with my work, husband, family and friends.
I have often asked God "Do you really care about me?" "Can I count on you?" "Will you be there for me when I need you?" And these are the same questions my inner child asks her parents in her mind.
I have felt forsaken by Life/ God for a long time. My inner child felt forsaken by her family for a long time.
So, today
During my EFT session, I wasn't very surprised when tapping on "my inner child is excited to make money" led to "she felt lack when my dad wasn't around".
I wasn't surprised to find myself in a visual where the distance between me and my dad was too much.
My dad was in the US for about 5 years when I was a child. While I had my mom, brother, my cousins and a large family who loved me deeply, it never made up for not having Dad around.
A young part of me was deeply impacted, believing, “I have nowhere to go if I’m in danger. Dad isn’t here to protect me.”
When my mom scolded me, she felt "I have nowhere to go".
When homework piled up and I needed a break, she felt "I have nowhere to go".
When someone at school made me feel bad, she felt "I have nowhere to go".
I grew up feeling like no one had my back, a feeling I couldn't name as a child, that lingered into adulthood and I can sense to this day. (So, no wonder I developed anxiety).
I have healed enough
to recognize that I am no longer that child, that my inner reality doesn't always align with the external world, and that my parents did their best in the confines of a society that was highly unaware of children's emotional needs.
They loved me more than anyone, and showered me with so much that I can never repay. When I see our relationship as the adult I am, I see how beautiful we are together.
I have enough distance from my past to see it clearly, and to separate it from the present. I step into my role as the adult I grew into, taking care of my inner child, and reparenting her by listening to her, meeting her with gentleness, meeting her needs and protecting her. x
I know I am now capable of making her feel "I have somewhere to go", "I am not alone", "someone always has my back".
And I am grateful I finally stepped into this deep dark forest. I have kept it aside for a long time, and I am now ready to find the love and light in my story.
I'm blessed for this opportunity to see, once again, that
God gives you the story you need to inspire others, and the wounds you need to help others heal.
And I welcome as many opportunities as I need, to know in my bones that God cares.
About the author:
Ooha Maruri is a certified EFT Practitioner, Mindfulness Facilitator & Counselor based in Hyderabad, India. She loves to help her clients heal and live life fully, through self-connection and connection with the present moment.
